How to Survive the World Cup (and Other Important Sports Events)

As of this writing, the 2014 World Cup is going on. I’m one of those individuals that doesn’t like soccer (or sports for that matter) in a region where everyone around me does.

Over time, I have developed certain techniques that have helped me look less weird than usual during important sports events. If you dislike the World Cup, or the Olympics, the Super Bowl, or the World Series, you might find these useful:

not a soccer fan

Test: Identify the person that is not into the game as much as the others.

a) Resist the temptation to criticize the sport and do not question the rules. You are the odd one out, not everybody else. Moreover, the sport will not go away or change its rules no matter how much sense your arguments make.

b) Accept that you and the important game will have to coexist. At some point, attending a reunion or a gathering where there will be a screen with the game on will become a non-optional social convention.

c) Do not try to change the conversation to another topic. Whether the team your friends support is winning or losing, they will just not listen about the wonderful things your cat does, how awful congressmen are, or how urgently you  need to go to the hospital.

d) Take advantage of any distractions you may get. If the group is running out of beer, someone forgot their jacket in their car, or the guacamole needs to be made, offer yourself to help. At the very least, you can distract yourself by looking at the legs of the players and/or the cheerleaders.

Italian team

Many ladies want the Italian team to stay in the tournament. They like their technique.

e) If everyone is supporting only one team, do not support the other one. Not only you’ll antagonize everybody in the room, but you’ll never be able to say you don’t like the sport anymore.

f) Do not ask questions about the rules. You know you don’t really want to know. Your friends know that you don’t really want to know. Worse, someone might actually explain them to you and expect you to pay enough attention to understand them.

g) Most importantly, do not act or feel superior to people that like sports. Just because you read more books or know more about Shakespeare than Pele, it doesn’t mean that your tastes are better that other people’s, or that you are a better person. You just happen to like other things.

And you definitely will not look like this.

If you liked this article, you may want to read about how Flippy discovered the most used word in the English language.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

Copyright 2017, Flippy. Published with the permission of the author.

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