Translating from Crappy English

When learning a new language at school, we tend to learn the formal or at least the average version of the language. We learn to say “please,” and “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.”

Having been a language teacher, I know that most people study a language for work or study purposes, and thus teaching the polite forms and family-friendly vocabulary is the right approach. Although since students don’t have the speed or fluency of normal speech, often the result is like watching two extremely polite, yet overly awkward gentlemen talking.

Students eventually (and hopefully) develop their skills and are able to hold normal conversations. However, more often than not, they are shocked to learn that native speakers don’t speak (or write) properly and that the vocabulary they use is…, well…, crappy.

So, if you’re learning English, or you wonder what some crappy expressions mean, or you just enjoy the articles of Unhinged Magazine, here’s our guide to basic crappy English phrases and their translations.

This school is the shit.

Phrase: Don’t flip your shit!

Translation: Please, refrain from becoming extremely frantic.

 

Phrase: Holy shit!

Translation: This is so incredible, I’m at a loss for words.

 

Phrase: I feel like shit.

Translation: I’m in a state of extreme physical or emotional discomfort.

 

Phrase: That made me shit bricks!

Translation: That really startled me!

 

Phrase: Boy, that’s shitty.

Translation: What unfortunate circumstances.

 

Phrase: I’m in deep shit.

Translation: I find myself overwhelmed with problems.

 

Phrase: She’s batshit crazy.

Translation: She is an awfully deranged individual.

 

Phrase: Oh, shit.

Translation: I just realized that something atrocious is going to happen to me.

 

Phrase: Get your shit together.

Translation: Please, try to compose yourself.

 

Phrase: I don’t give a shit.

Translation: That matter is of no relevance to me.

 

Phrase: You’re full of shit.

Translation: I have noticed that you lie with astounding frequency.

 

Phrase: When the shit hits the fan.

Translation: When the situation becomes dire.

 

Phrase: She just buys shit.

Translation: She purchases items of very little importance.

 

Phrase: I’m going to lose my shit.

Translation: I’m about to have cognitive dissonance.

 

Phrase: That’s bullshit.

Translation: I’m afraid that’s just not true.

 

Phrase: He has shit for brains.

Translation: He’s not a particularly gifted individual.

 

Phrase: No shit!

Translation: That’s rather obvious.

If you have any other phrase you’d like to see translated, let us know in the comments.

terrible grammar

Then there are those whom you just can’t help.

If you want to read more, Flippy has deeply analyzed the English language and discovered the English phrases you should run away from.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

Copyright 2017, Flippy. Published with the permission of the author.

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