Phōm: A Dining-Like Experience

AsianDesign

The closer you sit to the floor, the more it will cost you.

Philosophy

At Phōm, we do not deign to nourish. Our goal is to challenge, elate, electrify, perhaps frighten, exalt, test, and expand.

Protocol

Enter Phōm expectantly.

Wear loose and comfortable clothing.

Abandon obsolete hindrances like hunger and thirst.

Prepare to exalt in our oeuvre.

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Starting with a light salad is so refreshing.

Foretastes

Onion-Tunic Contemplation       26.

Rhombus of Vidalia tunic, poised on an origami tripod, constructed from vintage onion skin typing paper.
Served with clattering sound effects and harsh lighting.

Stem Cell and Turmeric Foam      95.

Fusion of liquefied and whipped stem cells, extracted from the placentas of Kobe cows,
finished with turmeric smear and mixed with a carrier oil of duck fat, served in a syringe.

Stamen Knot®      market price

Our famous braid of 3 stamens from the flower of the hoary puccoon,
lightly rubbed with micro-ground spelt flour and deep fried in bone marrow.
Served on a slide, pre-adjusted in individual scanning electron microscopes.

Pygmy Octopus Suction Cup      80.

Served sashimi-style in double-brined, seawater aspic with sun-dried krill garnish.
Presented in the half-shell of a keyhole limpet and floated to your table via a custom-made trough.

Lower Lobe of Squab Liver Froth   45.

Served stuffed inside the puffed seed of an allium umbel,
frozen with liquid nitrogen and then fanned with room-temperature air to make transcendent foam.
Presented atop the head of a golden pin.

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We care about you. When we expand, you expand.

Repast Expansions*

The All-You-Can-Relish Foam Bar      1800.

Served in our zero-gravity chamber, the farm and laboratory-fresh foams will intrigue the senses. Inhale the pungent cippolini onion foam, centrifuged with three grains of sodium crust gathered at solstice in Death Valley. Feel the ginger thread foam effervesce in your nose. Capture molecules of Waygu marrow,** invisible to the naked eye but explosive on the tongue. Propel yourself into the cool arugula cloud ® where the bitter green is dried & re-constituted no less than 37 times and then paired with sempervium oil and shot from our own atomizer. Served with wine-mist pairings and accompanied by discordant flute music.

 Phōmburger and Phries®      750.

For guests with a finely-honed palate for camp, Phōmburger and Phries® are constructed to look exactly like its crude alter-ego. The “burger” is actually a high-resolution hologram beamed between a “bun” made of reconstituted bulgur husk which has been frothed into a fine-pored sponge texture and molded. The “fries” are puffed stems of spring sow-thistle, marinated in ghee and flash fried atop the 8-cylinder engine of a fully-restored 1966 GTO. Served with coagulated Black Krim heirloom tomato and Dijon foam, then wrapped in axle-greased vellum.

Each dish is carefully designed. Lovely, no?

Each dish is carefully designed. Lovely, no?

Enemame Fusion      1600.

For our most adventurous guests! Leave antiquated dining expectations at the door when choosing this option. (Please note that entire table must order this selection and there are no substitutions.) Each guest will be served five, fabulous, premium edamame, each celebrating a different global theme. The first soybean is infused with a dot of savoy cabbage and within that, a speck of beet, presented in a Russian nesting doll. The second bean will arrive wrapped in a wee, foam tortilla. The third will arrive bathed in wasabi essence and is designed to be inserted in the nose for maximum sensory experience. The fourth, containing esters of Trinidad Moruga scorpion pepper, is intended to be placed between lip and gum and considered until blister appears. The final bean contains chiffonade of oregano and buffalo mozzarella rennet. It is then coated in our patented not-a-virgin-anymore®olive oil, and enjoyed rectally (discrete applicators provided.)

 Albumin All-Ways      1200.

Egg-sploration is the theme of this offering. Start with yolk dots suspended in albumin aspic, served on a lily pad atop a vibrating platform to simulate tadpole movement. Your alchemist will then discharge an acetylene torch to “hatch” the spawn which are best consumed with darting tongue movements. A selection of ovum-inspired experiences will ensue, including vintage albumin photographs to lick, egg-shell chips formed from bruised, then dried yolk, a soft boiled “yolk” made from pulverized quail shell and annatto. Finished with meringue filaments, served strung betweentwo hen-bane stalks and laden with morning dew.

*Certain selections will require guests to sign release-of-liability forms.
**Inhaling raw or undercooked Waygu marrow may increase risk of foam-borne illnesses.

aphids

Our worker aphids are certified by the University of California. Yum! Aphid nectar!

Terminus

Phōm Roses      55.

Honeydew from macrosiphum rosea (rose aphid) is scraped from mature rose stems and blended with liquefied thorn.
The gel is dyed red with essence of chioggia beet and painted onto ceramic tiles.
It is then peeled off and laser-sculpted into petals, which are served floating in a shallow basin of filtered rainwater.

Phōmspresso      26.

Pipette of arabica oil served with a stevia cotyledon.

Nectar Trumpet      55.

Mature honeysuckle trumpet served upright in a tiny, crystal flute. A hummingbird hawk moth proboscis
(obtained responsibly from naturally deceased insects, verification available upon request) is provided for leisurely and authentic sipping.

Phōm Brulee ®      55.

Rich amalgam of foamed milkfat and vanilla bean,
topped with a superheated turbinado crystal, cooled and served in a hollowed-out filbert.

Pip Mélange      75.

A delightful assortment of citrus pips, including etrog, finger lime,
calamondin and rangpur are presented on a porcelain charger, coated with honeyed gelatin for amusing table antics.

olive

Our Martiny conveys just a delicate hint.

Fermentations, etc.

Wine Mists      (prices upon request)

Please speak to our head research sommelier for selections and pairing advice.
Individual mists are served in nasal atomizers and group quantities are dispensed via tabletop misting fountains.

Beiere      (prices upon request)

See zymurgist for our selection of unique esters, including attenuated fuggle-hopped bitter; puccoon-honey mead,
fermented with anemone silks; spring water-sparged, whiskey barrel-fermented cocoa nib stout,
dispensed directly from the bunghole into specialized undulated snifters.

Cocktails

Martiny      90.

Traditional martini served inside the olive, presented on a wee stand constructed from food-grade, vermouth-infused cellulose.

Cosphōmpolitan      12,000.

Hand-selected, high-bush cranberry, frozen in liquid nitrogen and sent to Bern, Switzerland
for a ride in the Large Hadron Collider, returned as plasma, stabilized in fingerling potato vodka,
passed through atomized triple-sec and garnished with a kumquat pip.

SOFTdrinks

(Soft because they are made of foam.)      20.

Author Sue Reed Crouse is primarily a poet, but loves to cleanse her palate occasionally with a good satire. For years, she wrote a weekly humor column for a small Arizona newspaper, The Sonoran News. Her work appears in many literary journals and in 2011, she was one of two poets selected for the Foreward Program, a 2-year intensive course of study in poetry at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. She lives in Minnesota where she writes poetry, creates collage, gardens and wheels her ancient pug around in a stroller.  

©2015, all rights reserved
published with the permission of the author

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