Tags
Related Posts
Share This
‘Merican Harry Potter
If you are a Harry Potter fan, you must have heard about J. K. Rowling’s upcoming prequel, which will feature the adventures in ‘Murica of young not-yet-killed Sirius Black and James Potter. J.K. Rowling has created a new American term for muggle in the story: no-maj. Many people are outraged at the word, some of them going so far to say that the word “sounds” racist, which makes sense because there is absolutely no racism in the U.S.
Still, it’s Rowling’s work and she’s allowed to mess it up and milk the franchise as much as she wants. If George Lucas can do it, why can’t she?
Since we are obsessive nerds with nothing better to do than acquiring obscure knowledge about shit that doesn’t even exist, we decided to send our secret Russian spy to take a peek of the script and discovered that there are even more ‘Merican words in it. Here are some of them because we know you love everything Harry Potter:
1.- Accio Burger
This is not a spell, but actually a chain of magical fast food restaurants that James and Sirius find all over ‘Merica. ‘Merican clerks use their magic to automatically supersize them and add fries and coke to it.
2.- Undocumented-Elf
A short being that looks like a human but is a little different, that is used by rich people to work for practically free, doing things that other human beings could do but don’t want to.
3.- You-Don’t-Know-Who
A slang term that is used by ‘Merican Dark Magicians to refer to themselves, specially when trying to intimidate someone into silence.
4.- Bitchditch
The equivalent of Quidditch in magical ‘Merica, except players are all male and full of steroids, uniforms have brand and corporate logos, violence is rewarded with extra points, and the snitch works for the government.
5.- Bullshitaserum
An alcoholic drink that ‘Merican magicians drink willingly every day. Ingestion goes up during Bitchditch matches. It tastes similar to pee, but worse.
6.- Cashkaban
A prison system network with multiple facilities all over magical ‘Merica. It is actually the third most profitable industry after the shooting wands and the bombing brooms industries.
7.- Piggywarts
A school where young ‘Mericans go to study. The selection process is quite rigorous, requiring several credit approval checks and long term debt. It is divided into four houses: Griffinance, Huffle-Engineering, RavenMath, and Fuck You!
8.- ‘Merica’s got Crucio
‘Merica’s number 1 TV show, where audiences are tortured with the bad singing, acting or performing of thousands of no-majs who desperately want to believe they got “magic.”
9.-Congressmen
Creatures who feed on the happy thoughts of people, sucking their souls and emotions until they leave only an empty shell.
10.- Expecto Nothingo
This is just the magical version of the ‘Merican Dream.

After decades of working, magicians still can’t pay back Piggywarts or afford housing, healthcare, and food.
©2015, all rights reserved
Published with permission from the author
Flippy thinks he’s funny. Humor him by reading the scandal that offended Mexicans, or the types of Facebookers there are.