Pfizer Merges with Allergan

Viagra maker, Pfizer, is merging with Irish pharma giant Allergan, maker of Botox. The result will be the world’s largest… um… er… pharmaceutical.

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The merger is giving investors a boner.

This is a marriage straight from petri dish heaven, two companies cashing in on our desire to turn back the clock. Or should I say the return of the cock? Or maybe a promise of wrinkle free boners and a face line a rock!

The merger, for tax purposes, is called an inversion – not really a word you’d associate with Viagra – but when it goes through, Pfizer will move it’s headquarters from New York to Dublin. What does your typical Botox user think of this move? Here she is:

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She didn’t look surprised.

A few drug facts to think about in Pfizer-Allergan merger: Allergan makes a vaginal cream. Pfizer makes Viagra. We could make a joke about these two products fitting like hand in glove but we won’t. Viagra has also been known to affect eyesight. If it does, you’ll be happy to know Allergan makes the best eye drops in the world, like Restasis. See, they get you coming or going… or shall we say squinting.

What do stock market analysts think of the merger? Some are excited. Money and Markets says “With the tax saving move to Dublin, expect Pfizer’s dividends to be doubling.” Weiss and Associates predicts “This could energize their stock. We expect them to have daily rallies lasting up to four hours!” Scottrade says the savings cost be a big boost to their bottom line. They added “The synchronicity is like a light switch going off… if you know what I mean”

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“If you catch my meaning.”

Why are they doing this, you might ask, big blue pills heading to the green hills of Ireland? Surely it’s not so the Irish guys can produce and even bigger “Full Monty.” No, it’s to save income taxes, lots and lots of taxes. Ireland’s tax rate is 12 1/2% plus they don’t object to you parking some of your profits in the Cayman Islands. Because, naturally, your profits prefer the warm temps of the Caribbean over cold Irish winters. We’re not sure what original founders, German immigrants Charles Pfizer and Charles Erhart, would say about the move but we do know what another descendant of German immigrants, Donald Trump, says: “This merger is huuuuuge and it’s no good.” Donald think if this merger goes through we should all boycott Viagra. “They are going to turn the pills green. You don’t want a green boner.”

But, Donald, shouldn’t we also boycott Botox? Sure, you wouldn’t use it or allow Melania to use it after Ireland has stolen one of our biggest drug companies. Won’t the terrorists win if we keep getting Botox shots? Should we ask Melania if she plans to abstain from Botox?

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“If this merger goes through and I’m president,” says Trump, “we need to build a wall around Dublin. A huge, very tall wall. So tall, they won’t be able to fly planes in and out.”

Norman, Oklahoma comedian and author, Stan Silliman, wrote eight cartoon humor books including “The News in Double Dactyls” awarded the Best Book of Poetry 2002 by Oklahoma Federation of Writers. He was named “Oklahoma City’s Funniest Person” in 2014 Stan wrote over 1400 jokes to win the on-line “Kwipster” contest in 2011 for topical joke writing. Check out his website: Silliman on Sports – a new sports and humor column.

©2016, all rights reserved
published with the permission of the author

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