News You’ll Never See.

These last months there has been a certain event in the news that most people are tired of and would like not to hear about anymore. That’s not what this article is about. This article is about the news that you will never, ever see.

1. Woman Tells Husband: “We Need to Talk.”

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Housewife Mary Green, 34, of Aurora, New York told her husband, Steward Green, that she thinks she has been spending too much and neglecting her husband in bed.

“It just came to me one day. I don’t need another dress or a new pair of shoes. My husband works so hard to earn money and it shouldn’t be spend in frivolities. Also, I think he needs to be rewarded for all he does for the family.”

2. Politician Thinks Opponent Is a Decent Human Being.

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Mark Rodriguez, local Tennessee Democrat said in a press conference that his opponent, Republican Richard Smith, is a decent human being.

“We just happen to have different ideas on how to solve problems, but I know he’s as genuinely interested in helping the people of Tennessee as I am,” said the young lawyer. When asked to comment, Smith said he’s going to approach Rodriguez to work on joint solutions. “No matter who wins, I want the people to be the real winners,” said the veteran.

3. Mother Blames Son, Not Teacher, for Bad Grades

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Suburban mother, Anne McKenzie, from Urbana-Champaign, Illinois, told her 9 year old son that he should work harder on his grades and not to blame his teacher, after son claimed that the teacher didn’t praise him enough.

“He’s a good boy, but I think I’ve spoiled him a bit too much. He could use some discipline. Also, I appreciate all the hard work and patience of  his teacher. That means a lot to me and I’m very grateful to her.

McKinze also said that perhaps her son didn’t need to continue seeing a therapist to deal with the stress of the one time she spanked him. “It’s been 5 years, it’s time to let it go.”

4. Man Asks for Directions

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John Wade, 41, was doing his everyday stroll in Dallas, Texas, when a car pulled in next to him and a man asked him how to get to Edmonson Avenue.

“It was totally unexpected,” said Wade. “I was just minding my own business and then suddenly there he was. I was completely shocked and mumbled an answer. The man, who looked Caucasian and about 50 years old, thanked me and left.”

Police have started to corroborate this story with the neighbors of Edmonson Avenue.

5. Teen Likes Being Seen With Parents in Public

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Mike Dennis, 15, was seen at his local Chipotle in Ogden, Utah, with his parents last Saturday. He was not wearing a hoodie or a cap. Most shockingly, he wasn’t staring down at his cellphone, but talking and laughing with his parents.

“I love my parents,” said Mike. “They have done so much for me and they’re great fellows. Who else is going to love me more than them? I don’t understand why my friends think I’m weird, but if I was in an emergency, I mean, who would come to help me? It’s a no brainer.”

PS. Fun Fact: I couldn’t find a real picture for the last piece of news. I had to use a stock photo.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

©2016, all rights reserved
published with the permission of the author

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