If You Could Dodge Questions Like a Candidate

You’ve all seen it. A candidate is caught doing something questionable and you are dying to know what his or her answer is. Then, the interviewer asks the question that everybody has been waiting for.

But you get a non-answer.

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Dodging it like a boss.

Boy, wouldn’t  you love to be able to answer questions like that?

Just close your eyes and imagine…

Question: Where’s the report?

You: I agree wholeheartedly that the report is important. However, let’s not forget the fact that since I’ve started working here, I’ve arrived on time almost everyday. On top of that, I’ve been remembering the birthdays of every co-worker that we’ve had in the last 3 months. Clearly, this shows that I’m more than fit for the next promotion.

Question: You mentioned on your CV that you had experience with ISO-9000, which you clearly don’t. Did you lie on your CV?

You: That’s a good question and I thank you for asking it because it allows me to dispel this false notion that I would stoop so low as to brag about skills that I don’t have. No, I didn’t. If people in Human Resources took the time to read the actual text of my CV, it clearly states that I have experience with it, not that I implemented it. I can’t believe that some people are digging into an event that happened about 2 months ago, taking it out of context, and using it to attack my character.

Question: Why didn’t you refill the coffee pot like everybody else?

You: Oh, if I could tell you how many times I have been accused of this. Look, let me set the record straight. To date, no reputable source has been able to confirm that I’ve taken the last cup of coffee from the coffee room. It’s nothing but propaganda that can be traced to a single, unreliable source. And if you’re going to trust the word of an allegedly legal immigrant who can barely speak English over an employee with over two years of experience in the industry, then you should look into the facts.

Question: You called in sick on Friday. Yet in your Facebook page, you posted a photo of yourself in Disneyland with the caption “work is for suckers.” What do you have to say about it?

You: Look, I’m not going to verify accusations based on allegedly seen material that is private. Whomever was looking through my Facebook posts was completely aware that the information that I post there is personal, and the fact that someone is stalking me on Facebook is deeply troubling and speaks about the nature of the work ambiance in this company.

Question: Why didn’t you send the people in production the new requirements of the customer in time?

You: Let me start by saying that I have a lot of admiration for the people in production, who work hard everyday to create the products that literally keep this company going. At the same time, we shouldn’t forget the costumer, who, as a great American once said, is always right. It is not a time to assign blame, but to bring every party together and make this company great again.

Nobody can touch you now.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

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