The Sky is Falling?

Only God knows when the human race will cease to exist, but that has not stopped doomsday theorists from trying to predict the end of planet earth as we know it.

The first end of the world prognosticator was Chicken Little, a.k.a Chicken Licken, who mistakenly believed that the sky was falling after an acorn fell on her head. Although the sky wasn’t falling, this unfortunately did mean the end for her and some of her followers including Henny Penny and Ducky Lucky. Due to their hysteria over the acorn incident, they were easily lured into Foxy Loxey’s den where they became his dinner.

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He was then accused of being an accessory.

Throughout history, men (as well as chickens) have been foretelling the end of civilization. Various religious leaders have continually been predicting the rapture. The rapture is the second coming of Jesus Christ to earth. I learned about this from a Simpson’s T.V. show episode. When the rapture happens we Chosen ones will be whisked up to heaven. Many of the rest of you losers will be left behind to endure hardships including: famine, war, fire and flooding. Fortunately for most of you, those predictions have so far been wrong.

Other end of world forecasters have predicted a nuclear war after which we would experience a nuclear winter that would turn the planet into a frozen waste land, much like Canada is today. Others have predicted that our dear planet will be destroyed by climate change, or by an asteroid or comet, or by an alien invasion or even by artificial intelligence.

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We do know that it’ll be on a Friday.

In 1910, there was a worldwide panic when it was thought that Halley’s Comet would pass too close to earth and the poison gases that it was rumored to contain would cause widespread death. People stuffed towels under their doors and covered their keyholes to keep the poison gas out of their homes while others bought bottled oxygen. A group in Oklahoma even planned to sacrifice a virgin to prevent the catastrophe (Why do virgins always draw the short straw?). Others didn’t take the threat seriously. They went to rooftop ‘comet’ parties and got wasted in an entirely different way.

More recently, a Taiwanese religious leader, Hon-Ming Chen, claimed that God would appear on U.S. television on March 25, 1988 (channel 18) to announce that he would be coming to earth the following week for a spring rapture. Followers could be spared by buying a seat on a spaceship sent to rescue them. The rest of humanity would die in a flood. God either didn’t appear on T.V. or we were all so consumed with watching the NCAA March Madness that we missed him. Anyway, the spaceships never arrived and there was no flood.

Then in 1994, Harold Camping, a Christian radio broadcaster, predicted the end of the world in September of that year. When it didn’t happen Harold blamed it on insufficient information. He then declared that the apocalypse would occur on May 21, 2011. Wrong again. This time he claimed it was due to a math error (he wasn’t an accountant after all) and that the true Judgment Day would be October 21, 2011. He was absolutely, positively, 100% sure this time. Of course he goofed again. Mr. Camping then stopped forecasting the end as he was now 0-12 with such predictions. The world did end, at least for Camping, in 2013 when he passed away.

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Oops, He did it again.

The most famous doomsday prediction in the last few years was that the world would end on December 21, 2012 which was the end of the Mayan calendar. The calendar had tracked time continuously for the past 5,125 years and its ceasing, for some reason, signaled the end of the world. Many doomsday prophesies emerged from the realization that the calendar was ending and none of them looked good for our planet. But on December 22, the sun rose again.

Although we have survived so far, we do face many potential dangers. One of my fears is an alien invasion. This also concerns Stephen Hawking, the famed astrophysicist (he and I agree on so much). Since after World War ll mankind has been sending high-frequency signals into space in order to communicate with alien beings. Hawking has been warning that we should not be reaching out to them as we do not know what their intentions towards earth might be. Duh! Haven’t they seen, The War of the Worlds or Independence Day? Extraterrestrials are probably rapists although some, like E.T., may be good. They will most likely try to annihilate us or enslave us and a wall is not going to keep them out. Besides we can’t even get along with ourselves. Why would we want to bring space aliens into the equation?

Mr. Hawking also worries that we will lose control of our intelligent computers and robots especially the battlefield robots that we are creating. Many people in the tech world are concerned that machines will become exponentially more intelligent than humans and when that happens they will become a real threat to us. I had thought that, since we invented them, they would be grateful and would be kind to us, despite how hard we work them.

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Maybe they’ll just turn lazy and party instead of working.

But I recently learned that there is a company that makes lifelike sex dolls and they are looking to create sexbots that contain artificial intelligence (real life Stepford Wives). Having sex with our robots may be the final indignity that incites them to rise up and destroy us or at least the perverts among us.

Hawking is so worried about the perils that our planet faces that he believes we need to create a colony on another planet, such as Mars, in order to ensure the survival of the human race. And he says we had better construct this colony fairly soon. I won’t move there unless there is interplanetary football, high speed internet, at least one Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant and plenty of sexbots.

Others are worried too, including a group of scientists that maintain what they call the Doomsday Clock. The clock is intended to reflect basic changes in the level of danger that mankind faces. The clock has been inching toward midnight (doomsday) since 1991.

I know we face dangers, but regardless of the perils, the sky is not falling yet. And I get comfort from the words that President Whitmore spoke just before kicking some alien butt. He said, “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on.”

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Or maybe, we’ll run for the hills.

And if we don’t, well it’s been a great 200,000 year run for us humans.
Note to the Editor: Please run this article ASAP. There is no telling how much time we have left.

John Wade, a frequent contributor to Unhinged Magazine, is a retired Chief Financial Officer who lives in Wildwood, Missouri.

You can read about John Wade’s article about how somewhere, there’s a museum for pretty much anything.

©2016, all rights reserved
published with permission of the author

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