The World According to Telenovelas

I already wrote about how the world works according to Hollywood and Anime. Today, I’m going to take a look at Telemundo and Mexican Telenovelas, since they appear to have their own rules of how things work.

1. Poor girls look like super models.

The average low class Mexican girl has white skin, a pair of huge gazungas, and is obscenely gorgeous. Yet, for some reason, she keeps getting friendzoned by the guys in her social class.

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What’s a homeless supermodel gonna do?

2. Everyone who is rich is evil, except the son of the family

In a rich family, everyone is a bastard and considers him or herself superior to common people, except the son, who always has a heart of gold and is torn between his family and his love for the poor, low class girl.

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He won the girl’s love through his kindness.

3. There will be a female villain who will try to stop true love.

Sometimes it’s the mother, sometimes it’s the rich ex-girlfriends, sometimes it’s the sister, but there will always be a woman that will strongly be against this relationship.

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Guess who the main villain is.

4. There will be screaming and shouting every two episodes.

And not the wishy-washy kind. It’ll be full overblown drama that will involve women, children, or disabled.

5. High school uniform for girls include bare midriffs, mini, skirts, and high heels.

In Mexico, high school uniforms for girls are designed by a group of 14 year old Japanese boys who love ecchi anime.

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These ones are junior high, not even high school.

6. Slapping someone in the face is the most common way to settle differences.

In Telenovelas, slapping is the equivalent of pistol dueling in the west. It is used as a first, second, and last resort to make your point accross.

7. Everybody, but specially the first son, has a ridiculously long name.

Not only they will be called something like José Fernando Villalcaba de todos los Santos, but his family will always address him by his two middle names. Everyone else will call him by Licenciado plus his first family name. The only exception will be the humble girl who at will some point will give him a cute affectionate pet name.

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Meet Luis Fernando de la Vega Montenegro. Chuy to his girlfriend.

8. Poor girls with no education are amazingly competent at running a huge company.

In Telenovela Land, there is no need to bother yourself with any pesky degree in business administration or economics. As long as you are good and have a pure heart, like all poor, humble, amazingly beautiful girls do, you’re ready to run a corporation.

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From rural peasant to CEO of her own fashion design company.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his role playing book for parents and bronies, Tiny Horsies, the RPG, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Horsies-Role-Playing-Game/dp/0989540693.

©2016, all rights reserved
published with permission of the author

If you want to see how the world works according to anime according to Flippy, click here.