How to Prepare for 2017

2016 if finally finished and many people are breathing a sigh of relief. However, do not fall into the temptation of letting your guard down. There is no guarantee that 2017 isn’t lullying you into a false sense of security so that it can strike while we’re distracted watching the seventh season of Games of Thrones. This is why we have to take a hint or two from 2016.

1. Protect your wild animals from other people’s children

If 2016 taught us anything, it’s that children present a serious safety hazard for wild animals all around the world. Just hanging around with one of those little fellows can get you shot. That’s why I keep my dogs and myself away from my nephew.

Justice for Harambe

2. If you’re a celebrity with real talent, get healthcare/therapy as soon as possible

If you are a great musician, actor, or innovator, it’s time to clean up your act. Stop using drugs, quit alcohol and smoking, eat healthy, and do exercise. Also, get therapy if you’re feeling depressed or have any mental issues. A general check-up would be a nice bonus and you are one of the few people who can afford one.

Consider avoiding dangerous places or activities. Maybe bungee-jumping and skydiving aren’t the best hobbies for you. Have you considered knitting, collecting stamps, or masturbating?

At the very least, get health and life insurance.

On the other hand, these two will probably be fine.

3. Leave old classics alone

Look, the classics are a work of their time and the team that worked in them. They didn’t appeal to today’s values and they weren’t created to appeal to the lowest common denominator. They weren’t sanitized, PC appropriate, or even PG-13. It doesn’t work to pull these movies out, give them new performers and new technology, and expect people to think they’re as good as the original. It’s even dumber to give them an ideology that they didn’t have in the first place.

Who aren’t you going to call?

4. Avoid nightclubs and schools

I don’t know what it is about nightclubs and schools that attracts pretty much every crazy guy whose mind flips and decides he’d kill boredom by shooting random people. For some reason, they always decide to make their last stand in a nightclub or a school. I recommend going to simple bars, or better yet, to buy the booze at Walt-Mart and drink it at home.

You might consider home-schooling your children when they’re little and just not sending them to college. Not only you’d be saving their life, but also avoiding going deep into debt, which might also cause then to go suicidal, so it’s like saving their lives twice.

Sure, it’ll cripple them for life, but they will have a life.

5.- Do not have processes that end up in nominating the shittiest candidates

Just sayin’.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on

Copyright 2017, published with permission of the author.