Tweaking Language

This week, I learned that apparently a cartoon series for girls is racist, that there was a war on Wikipedia about the gender of Garfield, and that Cardiff Metropolitan University banned words such as manpower and girls.

This trend is going to continue. So, I’ve decided to help universities, writers, movie makers, and other creators make some more changes to the language and some titles of known works in order to avoid offending someone’s feelings. And if you’re one of them reading this, you’re welcome.

I’ve even put them into nice little categories for easy classification:

Everyday Phrases

In language, less is more.

An arm and a leg —> Two body parts

Keeping up with the Joneses —> Struggling to be equal to the Joneses

Butter someone up —> Vegan margarine a person up

Cat got your tongue? —> Animal Companion left you speech impaired?

Caught red handed —> Discovered Native American handling

Sitcoms

Something’s missing here.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S —> A.L.L.I.E.S

The Honeymooners —> The Cohabitants

Married with Children —> Romantic Partners with Young People

Arrested  Development —> Learning and Coping Challenges

Stanford and Son —> Stanford and Child

Books

HP and the Multi-Ethnic Royal Person

Lord of the Rings —> Person in Control of the Rings

Moby Dick —> Moby Pussy

War and Peace —> Peace and Peace

The Brothers Karamazov —> The Siblings Karamazov

Hamlet —> Veganlet

Comics and Cartoons

There is a zebra, therefore, it’s racist.

Superman —> Superperson

Power Puff Girls —> Strong and Independent Young Women

The X-Men —> The Physically Enhanced People

Astroboy —> Astrochild

Popeye the Sailor Man —> Visually Impaired the Sailor Person

Movies

No more Casablanca.

Casablanca —> Casa de Color

The Godfather —> The Godparent

Psycho —> Mentally and Empathy Challenged

12 Angry Men —> 12 Upset People

Apocalypse Now —> Trump’s America

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

Why are there no songs in this list? Because Flippy has already written an article about them already, updating them with modern values.

Copyright 2017, published with permission of the author.

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