If Other Businesses Acted like Airlines

People are getting upset at the forceful removal of the passenger from a United Airline flight. I don’t know why, honestly. I mean, not only it’s legal for airlines to sell more seats than they have and choose what paying customers to deny access, even after they’ve been seated, but they also have the right to send the cops after them and beat and drag them out. Also, isn’t every passenger familiar with all the rules and legality issues of such incidents? If you can memorize all 150 first generation pokemon, surely you know the Title 18 code by heart.

But to prove the point to show you how reasonable airlines’ rules are, let’s see how other businesses would act if they follow their logic. This mental exercise would surely enlighten my readers in understanding how it’s just common sense to treat passengers like their luggage.

They did say it was the skies that were friendly.

1. Restaurants

Customer: Hi, I have a reservation for two.

Host: I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t let you in.

Customer: Why not? I reserved on Monday, precisely to have a seat tonight. We’re celebrating our anniversary.

Host: I understand sir, but our records notice that you order at most one bottle of wine, and not even the most expensive one. Our new reservation policies require us to give priority to customers who order three bottles of wine or more, and such a customer just showed up.

Customer: But then what’s the point of making a reservation?

Host: We allow you to make reservations to increase your likelihood of having a seat. However, we also over-reserve to protect ourselves from clients that don’t show up. However, we will offer you a discount coupon for a McMeal to compensate you for the inconvenience.

Freeing seats for other customers.

2. Buses

Attendant on Speaker: Ladies and gentleman, we are almost ready to board the bus. In order to reduce your inconvenience to a minimum, we will remind you of our boarding policies.

First, we will be boarding people who are willing to pay three times the amount for the same ticket. If that’s your case, please stand in line number 1. We will be serving refreshments and providing actual working wi-fi during your trip. Then, we will be seating people who need to work to make a living. Please stand in line 3 and one fourth. If you are of average human size, you may experiment some space restrictions. We will be serving you dated pretzels and half a coke during your trip. Lastly, we will be boarding people who bought tickets at a discount and people who don’t understand English. Please stand behind the bus until further notice.

It’s a boarding policy, not a caste system.

3. Hotels

Agent: Excuse me sir.

Customer: Yeah?

Agent: I’m afraid you’ll have to leave the gym area.

Customer: What?

Agent: Please don’t be belligerent about it.

Customer: I don’t understand.

Agent: We overbooked rooms and we need you to leave the hotel.

Customer: But I reserved and paid in advance!

Agent: Also, I need to inform you that your wife is being problematic at the spa area.

Customer: You messed with my wife?

Agent: She was being disruptive.

Customer: You are kicking my wife out of the spa and you expect me to stay calm?

Agent: Do not worry, her clothes will be returned to her as soon as we find them or we will offer an alternative.

Costumer: You kicked her out naked?

Agent: Again sir, you’re being belligerent. Please do not force me to escort you out, like your children did in the swimming pool.

Costumer: They are only four and six years old!

Agent: I assure you that the people who handcuffed them are very tactful and professional. We understand that little people have needs,  and so do your children.

Costumer: This is an outrage! I’m calling the police.

Agent: No sir. WE will be calling the police.

Disruptive and belligerent children.

When not busy mixing his whites with colors, Flippy works as a writer, translator, and language teacher. In his free time, he plays video games, takes photos, and writes funny stuff. You can find his humor book, Flippy’s Life Lessons Stuff Every Single Man Should Know, published by Relentlessly Creative Books on Amazon.com.

You need more Unhinged? Check out Flippy’s article where he tells you how to afford healthcare the Unhinged way.

Copyright 2017, published with permission of the author.

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