I Think, Therefore I...

Thinking is defined as, “the process of using one’s mind to consider or reason about something.” The definition brings to mind Rodin’s sculpture of a nude male figure sitting on a rock with his chin resting on one hand while supposedly meditating about some lofty philosophical idea. Some say...

Teachings of Eugene ...

©2017, all rights reserved published with the permission of the author Teachings of Eugene is drawn by Sophie the Dog, and chronicles life in a parallel world that very much resembles ours—except for the absence of humans. TOE is an inscrutable wisdom tradition which appears to be useful for...

Ken

As soon as Kenneth got out of the boyish Kenny stage and friends and family members began calling him Ken, he suddenly loved his name. In fact, he loved the simple word itself: Ken. It came upon him so heavily, this love of his name, that he did research to find as many meanings of Ken that...

A Servant of Peace

I slapped him hard across the face. “Snap out of it, man” I said. “We have to figure out how to disarm this nuclear bomb!” He slapped me back. Hard. “I’m snapped out of it already! I think maybe it’s only a clock” he said, “and not even an...

Interplanetary Comme...

In case you haven’t read it, you can read the first part here. The story that comes before can be found here.   And in the Flomcarpian hinterlands the workers harvest the flowers of the grpflarkpf bush from which the distillate, called grpflarkthguk, an beverage that is extremely...

Waking Up With Ronal...

Lying in his monogrammed red velvet pajamas he glared into Louis the XIV’s most opulent of mirrors.  Large and rectangular it was framed in thick 18 karat gold and encrusted with precious stones.  Looted from Versailles during the Revolution, Bump’d gotten it in a slightly less...

Interplanetary Comme...

This week, we bring you the first part of the sequel to “Where Fudge Is Made,” a short story by guest writer Stephen Faulkner. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did.   “Hey, Sleachak!” the guard called from outside the locked door of the lavatory stall. “What’s taking you so...

The Dez Bryant Catch

In 2028, they’ll still be talking about it. The catch that wasn’t cost the Cowboys a trip to the finals. Has it been discussed to death? Yes. Will we discuss it even more below? Yes, we will. We will dig the catch up from its grave and show you angles you had no idea existed. “Wait!” you say, “Haven’t we seen all the pictures? Isn’t this the most overanalyzed film to come out of Dallas since Zapruder?” Gee, we don’t know. Let’s ask a few folks. How about Jim Garrison? “The catch was high… and to the left. High, and to the left.” “The ball hit a grassy knoll before it touched the frozen tundra,” says Mort Saul, determined to get to the...

Where Fudge Is Made

When the Terran Interplanetary Diplomatic Service opened relations with the major civilization on the planet Flomcarp in the solar system of the median stellar body called Grantius by the Terrans, Whowhatso by the Flomcarpians themselves, it was for a single economic reason. Flomcarp’s sole...

Symbol Overload

In America we have a lot of national symbols such as our flag, the Statue of Liberty and, of course, the bald eagle. Symbols are a good thing. They unite us by reminding us of our shared history and culture. In addition to our national icons, all fifty U.S. states have symbols designed to bring their people together and make them feel proud to hail from that state. Many of the symbols recognize a plant or animal that is native to the region or a product that the state is known for. Each state now has a flag, a state bird and a state tree as well as a flower. And they all have a nickname which is usually included on their license plates....

Dr. Spooner Talks Football

Every so often Dr. William Spooner gets in my head and wants to talk football, specifically the NFL, and sometimes about his favorite team, (he says “heavens favorite”) the Callous Dowboys. He says the football antics this year were enough to make an angel hose her larp! I said what? He told me, Oh yes, there’s nothing worse than an angel clitting on a soud with a host larp. I say I can see that, so go ahead, Mr. Spooner, tell me more about your favorite sport. He begins “First off, did you follow Funny Jootball, the rookie quarterback for the Breveland Clowns? His antics were funnier than a marrow of bunkies. What a lunch of boozers those...

Phōm: A Dining-Like Experience

Philosophy At Phōm, we do not deign to nourish. Our goal is to challenge, elate, electrify, perhaps frighten, exalt, test, and expand. Protocol Enter Phōm expectantly. Wear loose and comfortable clothing. Abandon obsolete hindrances like hunger and thirst. Prepare to exalt in our oeuvre. Foretastes Onion-Tunic Contemplation       26. Rhombus of Vidalia tunic, poised on an origami tripod, constructed from vintage onion skin typing paper. Served with clattering sound effects and harsh lighting. Stem Cell and Turmeric Foam      95. Fusion of liquefied and whipped stem cells, extracted from the placentas of Kobe cows, finished with turmeric...

Our Technological Toys

You’ve got a problem getting your TV and remote in synch. Who in your household should you call? Do not under any circumstances ask a Girl Guide for help. Recently, a group of Girl Guides reported a problem with the lights in their meeting hall and were shown that they needed to flick a switch. Best to ask your husband or your son for help with entertainment technology. According to American humorist Dave Barry, this goes back to our caveman days. Millions of years ago, Dave says, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. “It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just...

God’s Gracious Advocates

When you pray to God your prayers are sometimes answered and sometimes not. But did you know there is a less direct but more effective way to get the good lord’s ear? Ask a saint to intercede on your behalf. It is believed that the prayers of a saint are more powerful than an ordinary human’s pleas. God is more likely to listen to them. A saint is a person who led a holy life on earth and either died a martyr or had a couple of miracles attributed to him. Miracles usually involve curing someone of a terminal illness. Card tricks and magic tricks don’t count. Having a good working relationship with a saint or two is a good idea. However,...

Home Sweet Home

“But why can our airports not be as good?” The booming voice that emanated from the vicinity, starting this polite conversation, even before I had settled down in my seat, suddenly had a calming effect on me. I had been overseas for almost two weeks and home-sickness had set in. I was looking forward to getting back. Though I had finally set-off for home, the changing of flights at a foreign airport, hopping onto an intra-airport train to switch terminals, with language-induced confusion over gates thrown in, had left my nerves jangled. I was so out of sorts that I wasn’t even sure if I had taken the right flight. But as soon as I heard...