The Invisible Man

I didn’t exist in 1983. For an entire year I was virtually invisible. While this may sound tantalizingly mysterious and magically adventurous like something out of “Harry Potter,” at the time it was a hard fact to reconcile with. You try being invisible for a year and see how you like it. It...

Jerry and Johnny – Amazingly Similar

Basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian passed away at the age of 84. The below story was written when he originally announced his retirement in June of 1991. Coincidentally, another iconic late night person announced his retirement during the same week. Prepare to be flabbergasted: One is a re-known basketball coach, simultaneously the most brilliant and the most investigated of his time, claiming school victories for 18 years. The other is the quintessential television “star,”entertaining late night viewers for 30 years. One chews towels on a bench, the other taps pencils on a desk. Of course we’re describing Jerry Tarkanian and Johnny Carson,...

What’s in a Name ?

In one word…….everything. Town names are a perfect example. Town names can be very interesting. Sometimes towns were named for a famous person, or for the place that the early settlers migrated from. Others were named for the terrain or plants or animals that are found there while some adopted the Native American name. If the town or village is well named, its citizens are more apt to enjoy living there and other people and businesses will be more inclined to relocate there. It also can help the local tourism industry. Most towns have nice names such as Magnolia Springs, AL or Cherry Hills, NJ or Apple Valley, MN. I haven’t had the pleasure...

Sony Wins “Best Studio in a Comedy FarceR...

In a victory that was almost assured since it’s nomination, Sony Pictures Studios won the coveted Oscar this year for Best Hollywood Studio in a Comedy Farce. Last year’s notorious email hack scandal against the studio put Sony Pictures in pole position for the big win. “We knew we had a good chance,” exulted Sony Pictures representative, José DuFassad, who accepted the award for the studio. “Especially since there were no other nominees challenging us.” “It’s just a great honor and a tremendous thrill to be bestowed with this acknowledgement by the academy,” a breathless DuFassad...

You’re Afraid of What?

March 9th is National Panic Day. I’m not actually sure how you are supposed to observe this holiday. Should you panic or should you try to de-stress so you won’t panic in the future? Well either way, I thought this would be a good time to examine some of the things that can cause us to panic. The English philosopher, Sir Francis Bacon once wrote, “Nothing is terrible except fear itself”. But is fear always so terrible? It seems that some fear is good. For instance we are taught at an early age to fear God which is a good thing. Fear is also what makes a soldier keep his head down and it is the reason we don’t golf during a thunderstorm. Our...

The Good that Men Do

I recently got a message from my bank, one of the largest private banks in the country, informing me that in effect immediately, they would stop sending the monthly statement they have been sending for several years. Instead, they would issue a Passbook which I would need to get periodically...

A Hoosier Mystery: Deflated Balls

Not since Madonna sank the New England Patriots with an all Gotham half-time performance in Super Bowl XLVI have the Patriots encountered so insidious an assertion than the airy contention arising from the Hoosier heartland: that the team has deflated balls. From opening homage to Cleopatra to concluding descent into Hades, Madonna celebrated worldly power, control and wealth; or, in so many words, New York City. Such was Madonna’s intense veneration of Gotham that the New York Giants tapped its force and went on to defeat the Patriots at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis in 2012. Unlike Boston, New York “possessed no church to overthrow,...

Hollywood Announces It’s Quitting Showbiz

Following North Korea’s hacking of Sony Pictures studio’s internal emails revealing scandalous communications between Hollywood’s most powerful and influential players and leading to the cancellation of the release of a major Hollywood holiday motion picture, Hollywood power brokers representing all branches of the entertainment industry announced today that they are officially shutting down all entertainment operations out of fear of further, deeper internet revelations. “We simply feel that the internet is far too vulnerable to terrorist hacking to legitimize continuing entertainment content,” stated Jack Du Lopez, spokesman for the...

What To Do When The Locusts come?

To keep our blog sites free from the countless hordes of computer ninjas, we do our best to protect our work from unwanted intruders who live deep in their momma’s basement and would destroy us for the price of a Yoo-hoo and a package of Slim Jims. Turn your back for one minute and the locusts descend in full force. They are called, “Comment Spams.” Comment Spams are fake comments attached to your blog post. Their only purpose is to get a response. If you do respond, they now have your name, your email, and the IP Address of where you sent it from. It’s added to a list that’s sold in the hacker domain. They’ll then...

Robbie Gruder’s Review of “What a Girl Wants”...

My American Lit prof is one of those braniac guys, even though he’s only like two years older than me and is always saying stuff like, “Even fiction is fiction,” which is hard for me to get, because what else could it be? But I think it actually makes sense, because he’s a postmodernist. And some other post something I can’t exactly remember. And he’s pretty skinny, and his skin’s so pale it reminds me of cookie-dough ice cream—it’s what some of my friends call a library tan. But one of the things I wrote down in my notes is there’s no significant division between so-called “high” art and “low” art (which surprised me because at first I...

The War of the Jesi

When Jesus first appeared in New York City, no one paid him any attention. When he appeared in Cairo, it came about with the same result. However, when he simultaneously appeared in Chicago, London, Madrid, Beijing, Los Angeles, Buenos Aires, Melbourne and Miami, people began to take notice and ask questions. The questions weren’t enough, though, especially since only one man had the answers—and he wasn’t raising his voice in the din to admit to anything. Also, the questions did not come soon enough. It became evident very quickly that the Jesus delusion was not isolated to one person in this locale and another person in another city. It...

Feng Shui-ing My Cha...

Dr. Levenfish was baffled. There was nothing more he could do to effectively pull me out of the depths of my depression. True, the Prozac and marijuana helped, but they also contributed to my obesity, which made me feel even more disconsolate. I began entertaining thoughts of self-immolation...