How to Make Your Restaurant Not Suck

Going to a restaurant should be a pleasant experience, but sometimes, it is not. Based on my own experience. Here are some egregious examples of such situations. 1. Do not watch a movie and make everybody listen to it This one happened to me. The owner of the restaurant was watching a movie in his computer. I could barely see the little screen but I knew he was watching some action movie. How did I know that? Because he had connected his computer to the sound system of the restaurant and everyone could hear the gunshots and the explosions loud and clear. When we complained to the waiter, the owner lowered the sound of the movie… a bit. 2....

From My Cold, Dead Hands Feb11

From My Cold, Dead H...

Well, the 2016 presidential election is over and Donald Trump is our 45th president. One of the interesting things about the election is that most people didn’t like either Trump or Hillary Clinton. However, there is one very dangerous political organization that should not be ignored and...

How to Ruin a Relationship Feb05

How to Ruin a Relati...

Say you found your special someone and you are now in a happy relationship. You might think it’s time to work it out into something more stable, but you’d be so wrong. If romantic comedies have taught us something, it’s that after a few dates, it’s time to go through a major conflict that...

How to Prepare for 2017 Jan07

How to Prepare for 2017

2016 if finally finished and many people are breathing a sigh of relief. However, do not fall into the temptation of letting your guard down. There is no guarantee that 2017 isn’t lullying you into a false sense of security so that it can strike while we’re distracted watching the seventh season of Games of Thrones. This is why we have to take a hint or two from 2016. 1. Protect your wild animals from other people’s children If 2016 taught us anything, it’s that children present a serious safety hazard for wild animals all around the world. Just hanging around with one of those little fellows can get you shot....

The Coyote Writes an Amazon Review May21

The Coyote Writes an Amazon Review

I bought the 2000X-16B catapult about a month ago after looking it in a page for contraptions used to catch roadrunners. I must say that I was very disappointed with my purchase and I decided to return it. I hope your X-23 Rocket Dispatcher which I bought with the refund will perform better, but I digress. I’ll mark each category with a number of stars with 5 being the best and 1 the worst. Price ***** For the price you’re paying, you are getting a huge item. I was impressed when I saw the box. The parts were not only big, but heavy, sturdy and resistant. Quality***** The catapult and their parts are made with materials of...

That Scary Airplane Potty May14

That Scary Airplane ...

We all have phobias. Some are quite common such as the fear of flying (aviophobia) or the fear of heights (acrophobia) or the fear of public speaking (glossophobia). These are all understandable terrors. Then there are other phobias such as the fear of the Pope (papaphobia), the fear of...

Modern Day Resolutions Jan03

Modern Day Resolutions

Every year, millions of people come up with resolutions for the new year. They tend to always be the same, losing weight, going to the gym, stop smoking, starting a diet, stop gambling, or quit prostitution. Those resolutions are all fine and dandy, but they are sooooo 2000. It’s time to update them with modern day resolutions for the Internet era. Here are some examples that you might want to consider: 1.- Back up your data at least every week. Or sooner, if you are working on something extremely important. So, you worked so hard for three weeks for a project for your main client. It is perfect and all it needs is to be sent by...

Slime Gets Berned

After winning Time Magazine’s poll for 2015 person of the year, TimeWarner ignores Bernie Sanders as a finalist. Time subscribers quit in droves and move to...

Is This Still Funny? Sep28

Is This Still Funny?

I’ve been writing jokes since the 80s (way before the Internet) and used to keep a file of newspaper clippings on potentially funny stories. With the Internet, this is no longer necessary, but I recently uncovered a batch of clippings from 1990 which made me go “Hmmm?” I wonder if these still...

Those Odd Fairy Tales Aug16

Those Odd Fairy Tale...

I remember my mother reading me fairy tales before bedtime. Many of the stories depicted handsome princes and beautiful damsels who would triumph over villains and then live happily ever after. But rereading the tales today, I am surprised at the graphic violence and the very odd behavior of...

Shark Punching

In a Silliman on Sports column. I know, you’re reading about it right now! Mick Fanning, three times world champion surfer dude at a big surfing event in South Africa, punched Greggie, the uninvited white shark, in the snout when Greggie got into Mick’s wave. Aussies do this all the time. You...

Cock Shots & Gl...

Cock Shots & Glock Shots: John Oliver, Edward Snowden & Dyllan Roof In uncomfortably strange ways, cock shots, those images of penises, sometimes engorged, sometimes flaccid, sometimes meaty, sometimes not, lovers and partners send over the Internet or mobile phones and devices,...

Symbol Overload

In America we have a lot of national symbols such as our flag, the Statue of Liberty and, of course, the bald eagle. Symbols are a good thing. They unite us by reminding us of our shared history and culture. In addition to our national icons, all fifty U.S. states have symbols designed to bring their people together and make them feel proud to hail from that state. Many of the symbols recognize a plant or animal that is native to the region or a product that the state is known for. Each state now has a flag, a state bird and a state tree as well as a flower. And they all have a nickname which is usually included on their license plates....

My Vid is Bad/Good

    It started with a book called Talking2Trees. I wrote this biographical book over many years, pulling stories from my past that all had a common theme: Something unlikely happened. I mean something very unlikely really happened. I thought it might be interesting to record myself reading one of the stories, so I sat in front of the computer and did a pretty lame job of it. But did I stop there? Oh no. I figured that it might be 20% cooler if I used sound effects. I put an ad on Craigslist for a guy who could make good vocal sound effects and got one response: the guy at the beginning of the vid, so I hired him sight unseen. I...

New Words on Social Media

New Words You Wouldn’t Understand If You Didn’t Waste Time on Social Media I recently managed to find a way to curb my addiction to Civilization and stop wasting time playing it. Now I waste as much time on social media. During this, shall we call, “experiment,” I have improved my vocabulary with a new lexicon. Here are ten new words that I have learned that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Note: With two exceptions, I got the meaning from these words from their context, so I might be wrong about them. 1. Waifu. An female anime character that you find attractive and that you jokingly say are in love with. It comes from the...