Hollywood Announces It’s Quitting Showbiz

Following North Korea’s hacking of Sony Pictures studio’s internal emails revealing scandalous communications between Hollywood’s most powerful and influential players and leading to the cancellation of the release of a major Hollywood holiday motion picture, Hollywood power brokers representing all branches of the entertainment industry announced today that they are officially shutting down all entertainment operations out of fear of further, deeper internet revelations. “We simply feel that the internet is far too vulnerable to terrorist hacking to legitimize continuing entertainment content,” stated Jack Du Lopez, spokesman for the...

How Hollywood Thinks the Universe Works Aug12

How Hollywood Thinks the Universe Works

Hollywood is not the place where you go for realism. Still, there are some things that you see in movies that make you wonder if specific types of physical, sociological, or psychological rules exist that apply to all movies. If there are, I think they would go like this. 1.- You can outrun any explosion. 2.- Women in bed make every effort to cover their breasts, even if they are by themselves. 3.- One in a million chances happen nine times out of ten. 4.- Obscenely gorgeous women have trouble getting dates. 5.- 99% of soldiers in any professional army can’t hit a human-sized target, even at close range, even if several of them are...

Sex According to Hol...

Here’s a piece of advice for young, aspiring writers: if you can’t think of something to write about, write about sex. With a few exceptions, sex (or the lack thereof) is something everybody knows by instinct. Plus, it’s a rather new topic that almost nobody has written...