BLATTER OUT, SEXWALE IN May21

BLATTER OUT, SEXWALE IN

“Tokyo Sexwale will replace Sepp Blatter,” says Davidoff Clarkinov, my soccer FIFA expert. I can’t say Sepp Blatter without rushing to the bathroom. It’s not so much his corruption, just that his name evokes a certain urination urge. Now, Tokyo Sexwale, I have no idea what that is. I’m imagining it’s related to a sperm whale which I’m sure the Japanese also enjoy hunting. Maybe a sexwale likes to hump things but…er… isn’t that reserved for the humpback whale? Wow, I bet no one under the sea wants to get raped by a sex whale. They can go on a dork-a-thon. That’s probably where...

A Language Prof Deciphers OU-Texas Rivalry May08

A Language Prof Deciphers OU-Texas Rivalry

“You needed to be there. Orange shirts, red shirts, fans didn’t like other,” Davidoff Clarkinov tells me. “Many had quite nasty things to say about the rival team.” My Russian friend, Clarkinov, fluent in four languages, a professor of linguistics, loves tennis just came back from his first OU-Texas Red River Rivalry. I was pretty sure the signs, T-shirts and the banter would catch his attention. “Oh, yeah,” I tell him. “When Sooner fans and Longhorn fans meet, there’s no civility. But I don’t think they’re particularly clever.” “But they are! Many Oklahoma fans were wearing shirts with a longhorn steer turned upside-down. Clever, right?...

Not the Cheerleaders!

Maybe columnist Molly Ivins was right – Texas lawmakers ARE crazy. At least this is what my neighbor, Lyle, is also saying when he read about Houston representative, Al Edwards, proposing a law to ban dirty dancing by cheerleaders. Lyle points out this quote by Edwards: “They’re shaking their behinds and breaking it down.” Under Edwards’ bill, if a school district knowingly permits such a performance state funds will be reduced in an amount to be determined by the education commissioner. We’re thinking $500 for a grind, $1000 bucks per bump, $2000 for having Big Busty on top of the pyramid. Short skirts, possibly okay, as long as everyone...

Trump Says Palin Wil...

The New York Times says Donald Trump told them Sarah Palin will be his vice-president. Well played, Mr. Trump, if you ever want an out all you have to say, as you did during the Republican debates, is “Hey, it’s the Times. They never get it right.” Having your cake and eating it, too, it...

Fabio in the Fast Lane Mar27

Fabio in the Fast La...

Guess what? Harlequin Romance is teaming up with NASCAR to bring out 20 racing based romance novels. The first book by Pamela Britton came out in February with the cover showing a hunky driver from the back holding his helmet under his arm with the title written right across his buttockical...